nothings gonna change my world.

today I feel weak, I feel like I’m dealing with a lot of issues that nobody can help me with, and that is a very hopeless feeling. It’s like i want my teenage years to be over and begin my life, but then when I really actually think about it I just wanna be young forever and not have to grow up. I wish i was still young and naive because this whole ” wise ” thing really isn’t as cracked out as it seemed to be, I wish i didn’t know about  death, drugs, money, abuse, failure, doubt and hate all those things that make my mind go on the ” brain train” I just wanna be happy ? is that so god damn hard. 

I dont wanna worry about not getting accepted into complections, or not having enough money to go there next year, I dont wanna think about death and loosing the people i love most around me. The thought of being away from hannah or my mom scares me to death. They are the people i can count on and depend on, the people that make me happy when I’m sad, and who brighton my day. I dont know what i’ll do without them.

It’s a bitter sweat sorta thing, on one hand I’m so excited to start my life, to chase after my dreams to show everyone that i made it, and to just be happy, but on the other hand i wanna curl up in a ball watch hannah montana n my p.js and just stay a kid for ever, no worrys no obligations and certainly no stress.

I wanna feel free, I wanna see the world and I wanna explore, but its like im too fucking scared ? I can honestly say this blows.